shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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