That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
