Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
