is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
