so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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