can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
