I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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