The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
