Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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