My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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