I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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