Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
