sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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