I could have mohawked her pubes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
