don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
