i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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