Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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