Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
