You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
