are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
