you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
