Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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