my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
