He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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