I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this beer tastes like vomit already
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
