he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
