I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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