i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
