I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
