After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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