who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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