doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
