respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
