My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
