you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
