Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
