OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
