no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
