I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
