I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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