Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
