Non-Jews are for practice
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
