glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
