just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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