I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
