You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
