i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
