My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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