Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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