I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
