my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
