her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
