Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
