Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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