did you get engaged???
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
