i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
