really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
